We all know the cliche, "you can never have a second chance at making a first impression". And for the most part, it's pretty much true, but I would argue for a rewrite more like: "It is easier to make a good first impression, than to have to correct a bad one." On a positive note, things can change, and that's a good thing for all of us. But more often, it takes much longer to correct an idea than it took to plant one in the first place. In this post we are going to spend some time thinking about the first impressions we have. Not impressions of others, but the impressions that were made upon us by others when we were too young to have a say about what was going to be programmed into our minds for the long run.
Changing our minds is a not only a right, but it is absolutely necessary, if we are going to successfully manifest the life we want to live. Most of us don't realize this, but our beliefs determine the world we experience. If you believe you are kind, for example, your actions and behaviors are guided by those beliefs, and you act accordingly. In turn, people regard you as a kind person, and you come to believe that as truth. But many of the lenses we see ourselves and the world through, are not as benevolent and therefore need to be readjusted.
Before we can make new impressions, we have to spend time analyzing and discovering the first impressions that were made upon us from the start. When we were young, and our brains were newly forming, we took it all in. Since we had no point of reference, we really couldn't differentiate between truth and opinion, so we were left taking it all as fact. We probably heard our parents say things over and over again, solidifying their presumed truth, found evidence of it, and before we knew it, we had a mind full of ideas that didn't even belong to us. The major problem with that is, now as an adult we most likely still govern our life based on these opinions that were planted into our subconscious mind without our permission, and we walk around believing that they are facts.
If this sounds remotely familiar, its time to drop the first impressions and to start cleaning out out the old mental clutter to make space in our brains for a major upgrade. I find it helpful to imagine our brains are like our devices. For example, your phone - which periodically needs a system update. Like your smartphone, your mental apps need to be refreshed. You can't go along working efficiently with a bunch of outdated slow as hell apps, and neither can your brain. You need an update, and to get this done, you're going to need to set some time aside and power down, girlfriend.
Changing your Mind:
Go make a cup of your favorite herbal tea, grab your journal and a quiet spot where you will not be disrupted. Quiet your mind, close your eyes and breathe. As you exhale, just imagine your breathing away all the stressful and anxious feelings about your day until you feel very still and centered. Now, start to ask yourself, " what are some outdated, limiting beliefs I have that might be holding me back? Just start writing down whatever comes up, and do your best not to judge whatever your mind comes up with. This is an important detail because you are trying to get to your subconscious thoughts, and you don't what your conscious mind getting in the way.
Make a simple T chart that looks like this:
Old Limiting Beliefs: | New Unlimited Beliefs: |
1. | 1. |
2. | 2. |
3. | 3. |
After you come up with several ideas, write them in on the left side of the chart, and then try to identify who gave you that idea originally. Put their name next to it. If it is something you came up with yourself, then you have to take ownership for it too. This isn't about blaming other people, and it isn't an exercise in allowing ourselves to get all pissed off at everyone for making our lives more difficult than it had to be. Drop the anger and the resentment that might come up and just notice the ideas without emotion. Actually, getting emotionally charged will only mess up your energy and will negate the positive power of this exercise, so take a few sips of your tea and stay calm, girl.
The next step is fun, and even more empowering than the first part. Now it is up to you to literally rewrite your ideas and start changing your mind. Other people might have said things that got into your brain, but let's face it, they probably didn't know what they were saying at the time. (And, chances are, they were just repeating something they heard form someone else anyway.) Now you have a chance to reprogram your mind the way YOU want it to be. Blaming others for our problems for the rest of our lives is immature and keeps us in victim mentality. That gets us nowhere. It's time to glow up! We do this by taking responsibility for ourself, our thoughts, our energy and our actions. Time for the 2.0 version to download....
Look at what you wrote, and ask yourself: Do I actually believe this??? If the answer is NO!, then you need to rewrite it to reflect the whole new perspective you have on the situation. What do you truly believe? How can you rewrite this old, outdated idea to reflect the new and improved ideas you want to live by? Once you get a feeling for that, write it on the right side of your chart.
Here is an example from my personal chart:
Old Limiting Belief: | Wait...WHAT???... |
"Hiring someone else to do a job is a waste of money because I can do it better myself" (Dad) | " I LOVE to hire people to do jobs I can't get done, and it is WORTH it to hire someone else because they can get the job done faster than I can." - (Also, added bonus: I can take the pressure off myself now that I don't have to be perfect and expect myself to live up to everything my dad can do, because I'm not him, I'm me. |
"There's never enough!" (Mom) | "There is so much available in this universe that the word "enough" doesn't even need to be acknowledged." |
"OMG. What if I don't have enough money for Christmas?!??!" (me) | "I choose to believe that somehow things will work out and I will have plenty if not more than enough money for Christmas this year." |
Step towards Success:
Ok, so now you are starting to become aware of the crazy ideas you have in your mind, and the way you want to reprogram yourself. And while getting this reality check is a great start, it is actually just the beginning. Keep your list accessible and refer to it often. Start reading and rereading the new and improved ideas you want to burn into your brain. While you are going through your day, you might be surprised how many outdated, subconscious ideas pop up when you least expect them. When that happens, just be totally aware of them, and call them out for the imposters they are. If you don't like an idea that comes to mind, don't be afraid to say....
"Wait, WHAT?! Cancel that right now! I don't believe that at all!"
And replace it with the new version you want to practice going forward. Add this to your chart. I promise you, your brain is going to respond to whatever you give it. If you keep giving it new thoughts, before you know it, they will become your new normal and you won't have to think about it so much anymore. One day when you least expect it... Voila! Out of the blue, you'll start hearing your brain say some pretty positive new things, and you'll wonder where they came from! But YOU did that work, and YOU made that change, so you should be proud of yourself! Before you realize it, your whole world will seem easier and more enjoyable....your new thoughts are the magic words to a new and enchanting life.
Until next week......Keep Elegantly Becoming YOU!
You've got this,
Elizabeth
Thank you for acknowledging the "elephant in the room" when it comes to change. Acknowledging that what we were taught to believe isn't always right or worked for that era, but not this era. Change is good, scary, but good.